Last night, he said he has things to tell me but find it challenging to put out into words, so he asked if he could write me a letter instead.
I was surprised and amused at the same time.
When he left, I read his full letter emotionally.
Perhaps so happened it played my favorite piano piece, ‘canon in d’ in background;
He strung my feelings with needed genuine assurance.
For a good whole twenty minutes, I re-read his letter many times.
It’s been ages since I had someone penning me something with his soul.
I actually see how someone ‘seize’ me up in his words.
“好人!”（good person） – he placed these two words beside my name
I not a good person entirely, usually a harsher person, and if I haven been “bad”before, perhaps I wouldn’t understand when it’s right to be “good”.
I like to think its takes a really “good” person to see another person “good”.
2019 was a rough year for me but it was a needed good pile of dust on me.
While I “clean” myself up neatly along the year, I realised how dirty grey I have been blinded all along.
So I made many changes ‘removing’ what I had been tainted upon.
And changed my whole being entirely, ‘little somehow’…
His letter attempted “to bring back my kindness” to the purest state of me.
But the cold fact, I didn’t want to look back at the "old" me anymore.
I will like to taste “some revenge” no matter how “hefty” the price is.
This "new christian" boy actually "shalom" me now? (Hmmm...er?)
Should I disregard his "reminder" or can I try the new year with my "dark dark moonlight cheekiness"...
Something I still can decide within these 9 days.
For I want to "die" with no regrets.
Unless I can "live" with new blissfulness.
Thank you B, your letter's still "precious" in this moment.